Friday, 4 October 2013
My lovely Mum in Scotland is melting down. She has been strong for her daughter for so long now and the cavalry has just appeared over the brow of the hill and she is hanging by a thread.
The major problem is that she has been betrayed, time and time again, by those in "authority" over here. They have cruelly and callously manipulated the truth to suit their own purposes, gathered together in self-righteous "we know best" meetings, told outright lies, speculated so much that it has become the truth, bullied and taken petty vengeance on a "weaker" member of society. She has lost faith in her GP, the school nurse, the Paediatric team, the CAMHs team - well, inevitably them. She has found out that the people she thought she could trust have been lied to. Some of them have stood up for her and fought her corner - bravely - in the face of overwhelming pressure from their peers. But she feels she sees in their eyes a questioning of her - is there any basis for the fact that this mother "gave her" daughter an eating disorder for attention? Is she a bad abusive mother as claimed? Is she cruel? Munchausens?
However good the cavalry are, and I believe they are amongst the best, they have to earn MiS' trust like no other. No one has looked out for her daughter at all over the past, now nearly 3 years, except her Mum and I, for one, believe that this child might have died had it not been for MiS' dogged, patient, kind feeding of her daughter, despite CAMHs' continued efforts to dissuade her from it. Please remember that this child weighs less than 99.6% of children of her age. The clinical psychologist suggested only 4 months ago that MiS cut her food intake in half to "see if it would give A a sense of satisfaction" to finish what was on her plate.
So what to do about MiS?
I don't blame her at all for not trusting anyone or anything to do with the NHS care system. In her position, I would probably be using the farm tractor to blockade CAMHs in Ayr with muck, at the very least. Especially now since the official Complaint Letter was not taken as an Official Complaint Letter but fudged around and they now have an extra two weeks to prepare the investigation - seems like another example of playing the system by the insiders to me.
There are absolutely no excuses in this case. None. Sadly the two clinicians at CAMHs, Ayr are still in their jobs, merrily destroying other families with their "magical thinking" theories and pronouncing on second opinions, having met the child once some two years prior.
I cannot rebuild the trust that has gone but I hope the Ayr & Arran Trust will realise that, not only have they put a child's life at risk, ignored all the Get It Right for Every Child stuff, ruined a family but they have nearly destroyed one of the nicest women I know. They have an awful lot of work to do.
In the meantime, all I can offer her is an insight into me teaching HWISO how to make stew on a wet Thursday afternoon (bossily!) and reassure her that I believe the new team are the right people to get her daughter back to her correct weight, height and place in society. I cannot dispel MiS' demons about her mothering abilities, her self-esteem, her courage or expunge the horrid, patronising, cruel lies from the records. I cannot allay her suspicions or calm her fears.