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Thursday 3 October 2013
I fell asleep mid-conversation with Nelly last night. In the middle of supper. So it was an early night for me.
Which means an early morning. 2.30 am, wide awake, listening to the World Service, with those pillows that have magically turned into concrete in the night. The bruising from the aspiration two weeks ago has just reached the surface so I am very tender. Also the constipation thing means that my body is now "keen" to get moving around 3 a.m.
I have been talking to my friend, L, is Australia. She had an horrific car crash a few years back - those of us who received the "head injury" photo from ICU will never forget it. So I can talk to her about sleep patterns being disrupted. She thinks 3 am cups of tea are perfectly normal and that kipping all afternoon is the right thing to do and what a bugger bowels are. She is also the perfect distraction right now and I love that I have the time and focus to really talk to her, whilst everyone else is asleep.
And, yes, even Trouble is asleep
Inspired by my lovely conversation with Sarah, I have been sorting out photos. Having sorted out Mum's, I have realised that there are a lot of photos which mean something to me, but absolutely nothing to either HWISO or the girls. Random people I was at school with, old boyfriends long disappeared (and have no temptation to Google...), people who I don't remember except as a fuzzy addition to a fun weekend some 30 odd years ago, my first husband (none of the family need to deal with photos of him - not because he is a bad person but just because none of them knew him) - the list goes on.
So I have been sorting and sifting. Most are for the bin. If I don't know who they are, what an earth are my children going to do with them? Some are being packaged up to send to friends and some are sitting around here for when people come over, for a laugh.
I wonder if I am trying to "expunge" my life before HWISO. I don't think so. There are plenty of photos still left. Perhaps I am trying to sanitise it? Maybe. Perhaps I am just trying not to leave them with questions that I couldn't answer - like "Who's this?".....er, some randomer?
Am I finding it cathartic? No, not really. Am I being nostalgic? Sometimes. Is it necessary? Yes.
Should I be left alone to muse like this at 4 in the morning? Definitely not, so I shall return to L's warm conversation with gratitude.