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Sunday 8 December 2013

I just want to go home

I realised how depressed I was yesterday when I spent the whole of HWISO's visit crying harder than I had been crying for the rest of the day. He bought Colleen's beautiful quilt with him (various issues with customs) but I was too sad to open it and didn't want it tainted by this evil place.

I begged and cried at him to take me home. He left in a worse state than me. It was a horrid day.

I don't understand why I am here. I just want to go home, back to the West Suffolk and far away from the surgeon who was callous enough to try and tell me what he would do in my position. He has no idea and had given it little thought or consideration. It was unkind.

He has also undermined my confidence in ability to cope at home with just HWISO.  Just now I am very angry. But not as angry as I am sad.

I want to see my quilt in the muted light of home, not reflected off the stark white and pea mint soup colours of this room. And not through a positive waterfall of tears. 


  1. Sending strength n love from the village xx Hope to see you home soon. TNBMITW

  2. I just wanted to send you a cuddle, you are incredibly strong and brave. It's okay to be sad. The surgeon was probably doing their serious 'this is my serious face' routine, but he didn't counter in the fact that you are Charlotte... I have no doubt if you want to do something, you can do it! You know yourself better than anyone and that's what counts - from readingATDT & your blog I know that you are hard working and determined... So, do the whole smile, nod and yeah whatever, to his serious face situation and then continue to ask the questions you want answered and fight for what you want the next step to be. It's okay to curl up into a sobbing ball, it's like preparing for the next bit. You are unbelievably brave and regardless of what is happening you still manage to keep 'yourself', not sure that makes sense... I just think you are beyond inspirational.

    Sending love, hope and glitter. <3 xx
    Becky. (NewFoundWings).

  3. Curses to the surgeon cretin. Grr..what a tosspot. Love love love to you dear Charlotte <3. I so hope the gloom lifts and am begging the universe (in case there's someone/thing out there that's listening) to get you home soon.
    You have my heart m'dear and if I had strength to give, you would have that too. Mel xXx