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Sunday 27 October 2013

It's not all about you unless you think it's not

Taking it personally

I had a lovely chat with C and MJ the other day about dying.  It is weird how comforting it is to talk about it and to tell my two dear American friends not to mourn me just now, but wait till I am gone. I also sent them a virtual "stiff upper lip" but that did not seem to work. They went for the Sauv Blanc and tissues option. You gotta love them!

However, everyone reacts differently to me and not in the way you'd expect.  Some are in total denial and think I am going to "get better". I am not. We are doing all we can to stave off the spread of the cancer because the spread is what will kill me and we were doing quite well for a time. The eribulin gave me another three months. That is all. It didn't cure my cancer. The operation and the new chemo are for Quality of Life. They are not a cure. I am grateful for every day.

Some days are good days. I go out to lunch or have people over. Other days, like yesterday, I just spend all day in bed. I often don't know how I will feel until that morning and my friends are wonderfully flexible. However, just because I can go out to lunch with you -or can't - does not change the prognosis. I am still dying.

What I find hardest - and this is the bit that everyone who thinks is written about them, should understand is NOT and everyone who thinks this is written about someone else should take a long hard look at themselves - is the people who project their own fears about them and their loved ones onto me and my family. No, I don't want your advice, your experience, your doctors. I don't want you to tell HWISO what he should and shouldn't be doing. No the girls will cope in their own way and don't need you to tell them what they should do and how they should react. Your life is not theirs. Your fears are yours and should not be projected onto us.

Take a leaf out of Lottie's book - a gentle hug, a smile and a Keep Calm and Carry On. Or Cousin Ann, who continues to just be her. Wonderfully. 

1 comment:

  1. Love you Charlotte. Went out and stocked up on tissue the day after our conversation. We were out, it's cold season and being a houseful of girls we use the tissue for crying as much as for blowing noses. I thought of you as I picked up the 4-pack. Sigh.