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Monday 19 August 2013

Officially Down

Today is not a good day. I am very tired, in quite a lot of pain and extremely sensitive.  It all started when HWISO and I put darling Romay on the train yesterday morning.  I begged her to come back really soon, as I wanted to see her again. 

"Why?", said HWISO. "Do you think that you are going to go downhill fast now?"

Well, until that moment I hadn't thought about it but am now beset with doubt.  Am I?  Is it obvious to everyone but not to me? Have I suddenly developed some dark aura? Do I look like I'm dying? Is there shadow in my eyes that he who loves me so, can see? Why can't I see it? Am I choosing not to? Am I in denial? Am I choosing not to face this on some subconscious level? Who am I shielding? Am I being paranoid?

Every ache and pain is now being analysed and cross-referenced. My brain was clear last week. Is it still clear?  Has it gone to my liver?  Do I look yellow?  Long peerings at my wee and wondering.  Is it in my pancreas?  Is that funny pain I get after eating indigestion or is it in my stomach?  Am I being paranoid?  Is the paranoia a sign that it is in my brain?  And so on and so forth. 

Beset by panic and self-doubt , I have retired to bed. 

I hate feeling like this.

Then a text pops in from darling Tiff.  We are having a "mutual worry" about each other.

"What is the collective noun for a mutual worry fest?", she asks.  "A frown of worries?"

Personally, a deflection of self-doubt gets my vote......

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