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Monday 26 August 2013

Left Behind

I had a lovely chat with Sarah, after my blog about her yesterday.  It is very soothing to be able to talk to someone who has been through what we are going through.  It was such a relief to be able to be honest, without fear of frightening her or being on the receiving end of one of those "Miracles happen.  I know a man who sister-in-laws nephew was given three months to live...." lectures.  The reality of my condition saddens her but does not phase her and she feels no need to somehow soothe me.

One thing she said that really struck me was when we were talking about HWISO.  I was mimbling on about trying to ensure that we took each day as a blessing and stopped worrying about what was going to happen after I died.  Sarah said it was so hard having a timeline and knowing that it was running out, not to be a bit angry and depressed about it.

Then she said something along the lines of how hard it was to know that your time as a husband/wife team was running out and worrying about facing the future alone was a big thing.

I retorted that it wasn't quite so cool from this side of the equation either.

She laughed and pointed out that I wasn't going to be here to deal with it.

That brought me up short.

As I am the general fixer of the family and seem to be the person people come to when in trouble, I do realise that it is going to be hard to adjust for HWISO and the girls.  "Hard to adjust" - what a ridiculously English understatement.  It's going to be really difficult (trying not to sound arrogant) without me as the default position.  However, I don't do the "fixing" alone.

I am lucky enough to have a huge international community of parents of whom to bounce ideas and strategies and every day niggles, alongside Raspberry Vodka recipes and puppy handling tips.  It was therefore fitting that, in the middle of writing this blog, a beautiful email from my friend, Lynda, popped into my inbox.

Lynda, no I don't mind.  Yes I understand.  Brilliant idea - thank you.

I hope that friends on the ground, like Sarah, and friends in cyberspace, like Lynda, will be able to continue to be around for the family to bounce ideas off and listen to the everyday niggles.  I tend to find it is those who don't "bother" you but send unobtrusive emails and get straight to the point on the phone are the best kind of friends.

Unlike the person who suggested on Saturday "to be helpful" that it was time that HWISO went to see our local priest to discuss funeral arrangements......

Pic of the day from the House of Mutt

A plume of Pomeranians?

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