Why?

After a lovely middle of the night chat with Colleen (here's the link to the first one, darling - Seamus and Beowulf), I dozed off about 4 and woke to this view, this morning.  Welcome to an East Anglian morning sky.  It bought me back to my conversation with Cousin Ann on Saturday.  Why do I blog?

I blog because I like writing. I blog because it is cathartic for me. I blog as a diary for my husband and my children. I blog because I choose to share an experience of life which is less common among my age group, than among my parents' - ie dying. I blog because otherwise I would be on the phone constantly updating people. I blog because people then have the choice as to whether to read it or not. I blog because people seem to want to know stuff and are afraid to ask. I blog to raise awareness of Eating Disorders, to dispel myths and offer hope. I blog to amuse. To promote. To share. I blog because then I don't have to repeat myself.  I blog because people seem to want me to.  I blog because I can say stuff on paper that I can't say in real life. I blog because I can type left handed but can't write anymore. I blog to say thank you. I blog to help other people. I blog to help myself.

I don't blog because I think I'm interesting, or a writer, or to promote myself. I don't often think about what I am going to blog. It is just random stuff that catches my interest. About what is immediate to me. 

I don't blog for advice, or reassurance or attention. I hate the attention. I love the gentle hugs I receive from my friends, and the kisses and the odd emoticon.  Not because I crave them for my ego, but because they are meant so well and good friends don't need to say much.

I blog because I need to say stuff and I don't want to burden one person, or rely on a small tranche of people for support. That would make me feel very claustrophobic and restrained and make me button up my emotions even more. I don't want to be smothered by a small group of supporters. I just want to say what I want to say when I want to say it. I need to sometimes get it out of the brain and into the big wide world, without any interruption.